Born as Ashton in early green-leaf Joined PineClan as Ashton in early leaf-fall Declared a warrior as Duskheart in late leaf-bare Declared a deputy as Duskheart in mid leaf-fall Declared leader as Duskstar in late green-leaf
Duskstar is a large, well-muscled tom. His fur is quite long and very thick - an advantage in the winter, and a disadvantage in the summer. He often finds himself sweating, due to the thickness and heaviness of his pelt. His brown and white fur is usually well-groomed, but can appear a little bit messy at times. It doesn't make him look at all scraggy, so he doesn't really mind it. His pelt is of corncern to him - but not regarded at highest concern, so its messiness can slip by at times.
His legs are medium-sized, and quite muscled, and his frame is large. His tail is long and plumy, and his chest is a brilliant shade of white, complementing the his brown tabby fur quite well. His darker brown stripes stand out quite well against the lighter brown base color of his fur. His paws are quite large - some cats have noted them to be unusually large. He has long, sharp claws, but they are almost always sheathed. His ears are medium-sized and triangular shaped, with a mixture of pink skin and white fur inside.
His eyes are almond-shaped, and a beautiful shade of hazel-green. They can look greener in the light, but they are more of a mixture of brown and green. The darkest parts of his eyes are a very dark shade of green, and as the pupil grows closer, they get considerably lighter, mixing with shades of browns and greys. The overall appearance is light green, a few shades of grey, and a bit of brown.
Duskstar's optimism is one of the distinct traits he has. He may not seem optimistic all the time, considering his history with self-harm and depression, but recovery has been quite amazing for him. As moons passed, he learned that optimism will carry him a lot farther than pessimism, and he’s changed his way of thinking accordingly. He believes that thinking about failure will only bring him to failure, so that should be the last thing on his mind. Over the seasons, he’s picked up many reasons to be more optimistic- more reasons to have a beautiful outlook on life. He’s learned to appreciate the life he has, because there are those who have it worse, and being alive is a gift in itself.
He was never optimistic, to begin with. When he was younger, the words from harsh rogues and the agony of his mother’s abandonment cut into him, making him see the world through eyes of remorse. He had no idea whether he would make it through all of this, and in his mind, death was something he was no longer afraid of. Shockingly, there were times where he wishes for death to sink its cruel claws into him, not regretting a single thing.
Cats who have associated with Duskstar's say that he is an inspiration and a light in their lives. When he speaks, he often spurts out wisdom, telling others that it’s okay to feel sad, but to never give up, and that the he’ll always be there for them. Words that he thinks are just placation for the present, but words that stay with his friends. Many of the Clan have especially been affected by Duskstar's incessant words of comfort and care- he has one of the biggest hearts ever, and he shows kindness to every cat he meets.
He often conceals most negative emotions- in his eyes, telling another cat how bad he’s feeling is a sign of weakness. He also thinks that he isn’t worth worrying over, and that he shouldn’t tell any cat anything, because he doesn’t want to burden them. He has a lot of bad days, despite his mentality changing and making him more optimistic. There will always be bad days, and lately, there have been a lot more of them, because he’s trying his best to make every cat happy, and in turn, stretching himself too thin. He wants to please everyone, but sometimes that isn’t exactly possible, and that kills him.
When he’s being scolded or jeered at, Duskstar tends to shy away, plastering on a fake smile to hide how much words have affected him. He’s very in touch with his emotions- many call him extremely feminine because of it, and he hates being known that way. He does his best to stay in the shadows- wanting to avoid the negativity as much as possible.
He’s very level-headed, and quite grounded. His memories of his childhood before being abandoned are fond- and nostalgia often overcomes him. He does his best to keep a calm head in tough situations- knowing that if he panics, he’ll send the Clan into a panicked frenzy. He does his best to please them all- and when he can’t, he’s always thinking of ways he can. He spends too much time trying to please everyone, but that’s the way he is- he’s tried to change, and found it impossible.
Duskstar is a very loving tom- he will do anything for a cat he loves. He has no problem taking the hit for some cat he really loves and treasures. His Clan is very important to him- it was because of them, that he managed to get out of the deep, dark hole that is depression and suicidal thoughts. He struggled with them for a quite a while, before the other three toms managed to help him out.
He’s gentle, and very kind. He wants to help any cat that he can, and he’s always very sweet and gentle when he speaks. He talks in a soothing, calm voice, and it’s been able to calm down many. He values that, especially when he’s trying to calm any cat down from a panic attack- it definitely does come in handy, and he’s proud of the fact that he can do something right.
There are often times when he needs to take a break from life- he gets overwhelmed quite a bit, and he usually keeps to himself for a few days. He overthinks quite a bit, and usually has a take a few stress-relieving days, before he can go back to his normal self. He sometimes tries to do too much at once, tries to make everyone happy, and there are times when it tends to backfire on him.
He overthinks a lot- trying to find solutions to every problem. There are times when he blows up or gets angry at another cat, because he’s so frustrated that he can’t figure out a solution, but he always apologizes graciously, promising that it won’t ever happen again, and that he didn’t mean it. He tries his best to keep it all in- to push the frustration down, but it doesn’t always work that way. He enjoys being a problem-solver, it makes him happy to know that he’s able to help other cats out and come up with answers.
He tends to be quite a loud cat, when he’s around cats that have grown up with him or are very familiar with him. He’s outgoing, and almost seems immature, but it’s basically his childish side coming out, as he had no childhood- he spent it helping his mum raise his siblings. He didn’t get to have a normal childhood, and play with other kits- he was deprived of that, so he tends to be a little on the childish and immature side. It doesn’t come out very often, but when it does, he is absolutely adorable, childlike innocence shining in his eyes.
He tends to form strong bonds, and he gets attached easily. He’s very attached to his best friend, but mainly his mate. He can be clingy when he wants to be, and there are times where he’ll become very emotional, and he’ll be extremely clingy and sad. Those usually turn into the bad days, as he doesn’t have a choice on doing his duties- he is Clan leader, after all. Having his mate as deputy is both a blessing and a curse, because she also has very important duties to perform, so she can’t always be there with him. She sleeps in his den every night, so that makes it somewhat better.
He can be indecisive- he has his moments. Those are the times he usually will go to Quailheart for advice, and sometimes, he’ll get what he’s looking for. Other times, he’ll be told that he needs to figure it out for himself, and that sometimes discourages him. He wants to make everyone happy, and that’s quite difficult, when he also has to put the best ideas for the Clan first. It has brought him into a lot of tough predicaments, but he’s managed to come up with something that satisfies him- one of his biggest fears is the day he won’t be able to come up with something to satisfy everyone. He doesn’t like disappointing anyone, and he hates having cats mad at him.
He works tirelessly for the good of his Clan- everything he does is in their best interest. There have been times where he’s gotten severe greencough, because he wouldn’t rest, and whitecough escalated to greencough. He doesn’t want to disappoint, so he works himself to his limit, and even when he is ill or injured, he still feels bad and apologizes multiple times for getting that way, despite being reassured multiple times that it is not his fault. He tries to do too much, and that can backfire on him, sometimes. He stretches himself too thin, and ends up getting sick or injuring himself, because he’s moving too fast. That’s one of his biggest flaws- one of the things he’s trying his best to correct.
One of his main abilities is his incessant need to help others. That takes him a long way - he has managed to solve the problems of many cats, throughout his lifetime, and it's an ability he values. He gives very good advice, words of wisdom are frequent, with him. His words are usually inspirational, and he says them without having to think about them - being a motivational cat is one of the strengths he has, and it is his nature.
He is also great at fighting. He very rarely uses his claws in an argument - he prefers to solve things with words, rather than injuring other cats and causing chaos. However, his fighting skills are honed - he is very well-muscled, and that helps in fighting.
Kithood and Adolescence
As a kit, he was forced to grow up a lot faster than he should've. He was the only one in his mother's first litter of kits, and after she had her second litter, his father left them. Being the oldest, he was forced to grow up a lot faster, so that he could help out in raising his two smaller littermates. Because of this, his childhood was robbed of some of the things normal kits do get to experience- mischievous and whimsical behaviors were a thing of the past. He needed to learn how to hunt early- to make sure his mother and littermates had enough food to last them through the tough leaf-bare and leaf-fall.
Eventually, his brother and sister did grow up- soon learning to fend for themselves. His efforts weren't required anymore, and because of all the helping out he did as an older kit- his mother granted him permission to leave and roam the forests on his own. He didn't like the idea as much as she did, but he listened- being alone was never something he was fond of, but it was a change, and he craved change. He did as his mother advised, taking off to explore the world on his own.
At first, being on his own wasn't easy. He was pushed around by a lot of rogues, told that he was just a waste of space, taking all the fresh-kill and territory. As untrue as it was, he believed the rude rogues, and spent time contemplating whether life was worth living, or whether death suited him more. It wreaked havoc on his mind for many moons- his thoughts were clouded with nothing but morbid and horrifying images.
For a while, he went along with what his mother had said- that he was to explore the world on his own, and get a feel for things. However, as he started to think more and more about her words, he started to realize what she had most likely really meant. She had never actually said it flat out, but her intentions were for him to go, to go and leave her to raise his brother and sister. He eventually realized that "explore the world on your own" meant "I'm done taking care of you, it's time to fend for yourself". This was part of the reason he fell into a deep depression- his mother's words have never left him.